i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
