Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
