Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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