Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
