I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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