All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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