i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I want a musical about memes.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
