If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
