Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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