She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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