I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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