its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
