I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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