Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
