dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
