Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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