Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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