So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
