Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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