I cockslap morals
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
