someone get that fucking seahorse.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
