When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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