he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
