i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
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New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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