I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
