I've blown a few things in my day
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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