if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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