Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
