Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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