I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
