I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My vagina just clenched in fear
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
