Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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