you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
