I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
