I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
