just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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