I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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