I faked an abortion last night.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
