You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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