if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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