I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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