i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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