Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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