i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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