Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
