and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
