So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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