i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
