awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
