I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You pole danced in your parka.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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