I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
