that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
