I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
