I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
