you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
