You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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