I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
