Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
