Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
