she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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