Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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