literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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