i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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