I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
