yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
