I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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