I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
