I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
