I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
