I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
