haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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