Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
