My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
