Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
