Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
