is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
