if only i could text you this smell
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
