i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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