I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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