Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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