I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
