after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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